CRASH TEAM RACING: IF KART RACING WAS GOOD

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society was wrong. society was wrong to clockwork-orange forcefeed us mario-flavored drivel and tell us that it was the best this genre had to offer. i come to you all tonight to tell you that i have seen the face of the god of kart racing and it was spiky and orange.

if i had to sum up what makes ctr so much better than the Big N's blue-shell-blaster-dick-smasher flagship racer in 2 words, i would say "skill ceiling". fact is, high-level mario kart gameplay is b o r i n g. in the most mechanically expressive entry (which i would argue is mario kart ds), you are still getting a party game. i don't go to parties. i don't even have a social life. and there's not enough diversity in mario kart, handling OR content-wise, to warrant single-player sessions past the 30 minute mark. enter this godsend of a racer and its unique drifting. kart racers live or die by their drift, and this is as good as it gets. i would describe the crashperience as a semi-orgasmic trance of rhythmically tapping the bumpers and rocking the d-pad. there's no "saving up" boost; you will use it when the game gives it to you or you won't get it at all. this timing-heavy approach is such a refreshing change from mario kart's "hold button to boost" bullshit.

there's ONE thing i prefer in the marioid, and that's the art. i've never been a fan of crash bandicoot's 90s irreverent boyhumor cartoon shit. it's what kept me from ctr for so long, despite everything good i heard about it. fwiw, i think the secondary characters are very cute - big titty anime bandicoot girl is a certified banger design - and the exaggerated cartoon style makes for strong visual feedback. ultimately, any complaints i could have are PALTRY in the face of how gnarly you can get with the drift boosting. my fingers are cumming, dawg. if you haven't already, leave right now and buy/download/boot up a copy of crash team racing and play it like your life depends on it. my words cannot begin to do justice to its awesomeness.

edit: i thought it might be confusing to some that this review is so so positive and yet i only gave the game a 4 star on backloggd. fact of the matter is that crash team racing is still a kart racer with nonsense powerups that detract from the racing. if there is a way to disable the powerups, please let me know. i will bump my rating up to a 5 star if so.

END GAME REVIEW